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Boundaries
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Tuesday, 03 July 2007 00:00 |
This is an excerpt from the book I am reading, "Boundaries," by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend:
"Nothing clarifies boundaries more than forgiveness. To forgive someone means to let them off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it's revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to him forever.
Refusing to forgive a family member is one of the main reasons people are stuck for years, unable to separate from their dysfunctional families. They still want something from them. It is much better to receive grace from God, who has something to give, and to forgive those who have no money to pay their debts with. This ends your suffering, because it ends the wish for repayment that is never forthcoming and that makes your heart sick because your hope is deferred (Prov. 13:12).
If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to given even if it is only confession of what he did. This "ties" him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free.
Wow. what words. I have been struggling with two family members for a very long time now. My father, recently decided that he doesn't want his kids anymore. All my life, we were very close and this hurts me deeply. Now that he has made this decision, I am keeping him to it, yet I resent him for making me feel this way. On Father's Day, Joe gave a sermon about forgiveness and asked us to forgive someone and lay the piece of paper with the person's name on it on the stage. Mine simply said "Dad." It broke my heart to lay that paper on the stage, but I did and the moment I let him go, I was free. I do struggle with this, but reading this excerpt today solidifies my decision that I did the right thing.
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Boundaries
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Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:00 |
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I'm reading this boundary book and I'm starting to realize how much I am screwing up my kids. I didn't think I was, I thought I was right...but I'm not. I had to step back and look at the "health" of this family at this time and I am not happy with what I see.
My kids need me to be here more for them. They need to learn about life and love and God from me, not from a teacher at church. We all live by example, and while the example of stewardship is important, it can't be at the expense of the kids.
I am considering spending this coming school year with my kids - that'll be my mision, my service. This past year, there was no time for my kids. If we don't teach them who will?
I was thinking about this just yesterday afternoon. By the time TJ was 4, he could read, spell, do math, and he knew all the states and capitals AND he knew all the NASCAR drivers and sponsors. Why? Because I TAUGHT HIM. I didn't leave it to a teacher to raise my kid. Now, he knows a little more than he did at 4 but it certainly is not on the same scale. I only have one chance to raise my kids. I need to do it right the first time.
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Boundaries
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Monday, 18 June 2007 00:00 |
Sandy, a good friend of mine let me borrow a book called Boundaries. It's about how to set and enforce boundaries, when to say yes and how to say no. Wow - I didn't even realize this book was written for me!
I often do things out of obigation, either external obligation ro self-inflicted obligation. I never say no and I need to. There are too many things I want to do and not enough time to do them, without the extra burdens of these other obligation.
I have a lot of praying and searching to do in the coming days/weeks. I need to re-organize my priorties and my family must come first. This entire past year, my familt came after my obligations and I can't let that happen again this year. My kids need me, mu husband needs me. Eating home twice a month has taken it's toll on all of us. Once we get back from Montana, things are going to start changing around here.
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