Boundaries

Boundaries....Forgive the Agressor

Tuesday, 03 July 2007 00:00

This is an excerpt from the book I am reading, "Boundaries," by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend:

"Nothing clarifies boundaries more than forgiveness. To forgive someone means to let them off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it's revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to him forever.

Refusing to forgive a family member is one of the main reasons people are stuck for years, unable to separate from their dysfunctional families. They still want something from them. It is much better to receive grace from God, who has something to give, and to forgive those who have no money to pay their debts with. This ends your suffering, because it ends the wish for repayment that is never forthcoming and that makes your heart sick because your hope is deferred (Prov. 13:12 ).

If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to given even if it is only confession of what he did. This "ties" him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free.

Wow. what words. I have been struggling with two family members for a very long time now. My father, recently decided that he doesn't want his kids anymore. All my life, we were very close and this hurts me deeply. Now that he has made this decision, I am keeping him to it, yet I resent him for making me feel this way. On Father's Day, Joe gave a sermon about forgiveness and asked us to forgive someone and lay the piece of paper with the person's name on it on the stage. Mine simply said "Dad." It broke my heart to lay that paper on the stage, but I did and the moment I let him go, I was free. I do struggle with this, but reading this excerpt today solidifies my decision that I did the right thing.

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