Missions

Now what?

Monday, 10 August 2009 06:36

I wonder how many of us, if we were really honest with ourselves, would see the plank in our own eye if we looked for it. Now, what would we do if we found it? Would we change or would we cover it up so it looked like we changed?

I've been home from Haiti for a little over a week. In that week, I've basically gone back to all the habits I promised to rid myself of as I traveled in Haiti. Why? I've been sitting here most of this weekend trying to figure out why we revert back to our old ways the moment it gets too hard? Sometimes it's the easy stuff that's hard...let me explain...

I remember back to one devotion night - the defining night in Haiti for me, when Leah spoke, as if to an audience of me and me alone. She reminded me that when we're comfortable and safe, we beg God to break our hearts; we beg Him to give us the courage to stand up and step out and do His will. Yet the moment we do, the moment it starts to hurt, we begin to ask God why he did this to us...I cling to that message because it was me..I was the one who asked god daily to send me out. I asked Him to show me through His eyes. The moment He did, I started freaking out. It was Leah's words that made me understand what I was feeling. Then I come back home and the moment I felt air conditioning, the moment I saw a restaurant or my full refrigerator or my bank account, my brain turned off it's "missionary mode" and turned back into what I call "safe mode."

Safe Mode? Who wants to live in Safe Mode after walking in His footsteps for two weeks? If I'm honest, I'll say I did. If I'm trying to cover it up, I'll make up some story about how I just missed all the things America has. I'm choosing to be honest. I let my brain switch over to Safe Mode and I've regretted that decision since it happened in the Miami airport. The only question left is, "Now what?"

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