If you know me, you'd probably think this post was about my crazy schedule...especially in December.  I'm not gonna lie, December is a crazy month, but that's not why I'm running.  I'm actually, literally and unbelievably running.

I started a program called Couch to 5K or C25K.   Just like it's name states, it's designed to get your butt from the couch to running a 5K in just nine weeks.  The program takes about 30 minutes three times a day and cycles you through walking and running.  The first day I walked 90 seconds and ran 60 seconds. In baby steps it builds my endurance so that eventually I can run for 30 minutes at a time.  

When I started this just over a month ago, I could barely run the 60 seconds.  Last night I ran week 2 day 2 and I ran 3 minutes, walked 90 seconds, ran 5 minutes walked 2 minutes and repeated.  I was H.A.R.D. but I did it. Every time I finish I get such a great feeling of accomplishment. Completely contrary to what I thought would happen to my body; I feel so much better.  My fibromyalgia feels better; I hardly have sore muscles in the morning. I think this has a lot to do with the baby step part of the program.  My whole body is ready for a little bit more every week.

I could never do this without music.  I use an iphone app to tell me when to walk and when to run and my ipod playlist runs in the background.  I only run to Christian music and I've found that when the running gets hard, when I don't know if I can get to the end of the 5 minutes, it's always a song that is pushing me through, reminding me that God is with me and I am OK.  It's quite amazing actually. I can't breathe, I'm running through a song and I still lift my hands in praise.  If you ask me how I do it, that's how. It's a time of prayer and praise for me and I've come to love this time with God so very much. I'm pushing myself, but not by myself.  It's awesome and amazing.

I'm so glad I tried this. I can't wait until I can run a 5k, just so I can prove that I can do it.  Once I can, I want to go back to Haiti.  The days of my physical body being a hindrance to what God is calling me to do are over.  

Well, it’s four days later and I am still on day one.  That is not very encouraging and it speaks loudly to what I basically already knew….. I complain…a lot…..and I need to stop it.

Sometimes it happens and I have no idea until I’m a few sentences in and then I think, “DARN IT!!”  But sometimes, I know I’m about to say something, and I even take my bracelet off in preparation of what is about to come out of my mouth.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  (Eph 4:29) – Good grief!!! 

Why is it that we tear each other down so easily?  Why is it so hard to just be nice to each other?  Are we all so miserable that we have to have vileness come out of our mouths; that we are unable to not say detrimental words about another?  It is quite sickening when I look back on my four days and realize that I cannot do this one simple thing.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. (Eph 6:19-20)

I will not give up.  Tomorrow starts my fifth day one.  I will get it – eventually. 

I am one of a small group of women.  They are some of the nearest and dearest to my heart.  A challenge has been posted.  Try to live complaint free.  This interested me, because not long ago, I posted on Facebook:

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe… (Philippians 2:14-15)

I believe my quote said, “I will learn Pil 2:14-15 even if it kills me.

And it may…

The gist behind the challenge is that I have to change a bracelet from wrist to wrist every time I find myself complaining.  Easy, right?  Nope.  I started yesterday; while friends were on days 4 and 6…I must have switched my bracelet 6 times.  I’ve already switched it once today (it’s only 7am now).

I understand the reason for switching bracelets….doing something that has no connection with complaining (switching the bracelet) makes me aware of what I’m doing (complaining).  A habit can’t be broken until the habit is truly recognized.  So, now I am sending silly emails like this:

“who lives in a house without band-aids? I do”
*switching wrist*

“people should not talk on the cell phone while in a public restroom!!”
*switching wrist*

I am beginning to understand what makes me angry, or upset and I can begin to try to control it.  It’s about consciously making decisions not to tear others down.  That part is not funny in the least; I do not enjoy admitting that I do tear others down when I get angry.  The point is to change my behavior so that I am more the person God intended me to be.

I’ve told the girls that they may need to choke me with the bracelet at some point, and no one said they wouldn’t.  J  They’re such an inspiration to me, even if this challenge kills me. 

ugh.  *switching bracelets*

I am in the process of moving all (ugh, yes I said all) of my blogs from my blogger account back (yes, that's right, I've done this before) to my website and the most amazing thing happened.

I started to READ MY OWN BLOG!  I've been reading all the accomplishments, all the hurts, all the stress and the triumps and the failures I've had over the last who knows how long and I am starting to see ME from a whole new angle.  I've read about things that really bothered me at the time I wrote it and re-reading the post, I realize what the real reason for my anger was.  I've read posts about cool things I'd since forgotten, memories now re-preserved.  It's kinda cool and a little skeery all at the same time.

So, if you haven't done it in a while, I challenge you to READ YOUR OWN BLOG.  You never know what you'll find out about yourself!

After the sudden, and extremely unexpected death of a co-worker, I am reminded that we are not guaranteed a tomorrow.  I thought about his children and how he had every intention of having dinner with his little girl that night.  I think about the possibilities of words left unsaid, left for another day; apologies left ungiven; forgiveness left ungranted.  I've been riddled with the thought that those I care about most in this world may not even realize they are in the top 10.

Therefore, I've decided to do a few things.  First, I have to start living like tomorrow may never come.  I need to make sure I forgive and apologize and love and hug and all the things that I put off to tomorrow.  Those closest to me need to know how much they mean to me...today.  

Second, I need to put my pen to paper and write letters to my children.  I know someone who did this a year or two ago and I loved the idea, but as my nature, I put it off for another day.  I want the letters written this month, while the need, the urgency is still pulsing through me.

Third, I need to change my attitude.  Can you imagine living your last day miserable because you spilled coffee on your favorite shirt, or because you fought with your wife over who was going to cook that night?  What if you never made it home?? What good then is the fight over a dinner you will never eat?  I think this is the hardest task of all to overcome, because as Americans, as humans, we are so used to living in the moment that we forget to look at the big picture and see that none of the day to day doldrum matters.

So, if you're reading this, I challenge you to re-evaluate the things that are most important in your life.  When was the last time you hugged your spouse; your kids; your dog?  It's time to draw your line in the sand and take your everydays back. They belong to you.  We only get one time around this life.  We'll never get today back we never get a chance to do a day over, a moment over... Did you spend today the way you should have? Take the time to figure out how you would spend your last day; and spent it everyday.

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