
As we bring November to a close, I realize that there is so much I have not gotten to yet. I realize that I have not closed out my year yet...interesting because this year was "God's Timing is Perfect" and I guess we're not done yet.
But the more I sit here and think and pray, the more I realize I have not done enough. I am not deep enough, I am not grounded enough, I am not strong enough...certainly not as strong as I thought I was. I keep thinking that I have come so far, I keep thinking that I am making a difference somewhere just to find out that I'm just running in place. Defeated? No, certainly not. Deflated? Yea, that's a better word.
I guess I feel like I'm just scratching the surface of who I amsupposed to be. I'm not sure I know how to get there. It's like I can see it; I can see where I want to be, but it's just outside of my reach. Part of it certainly has to do with not being in Disciple this year. I really wanted to take Disciple 3, I think I needed to take it but I took the easy way out instead. I decided that my schedule and the things I wanted to do were more important.
So, I could either just spin into December and see where I end up or I could buckle down and make a point to invite God into every moment, every breath...cause that's what He wants anyway, isn't it? He wants all of us, the good, the bad and the ugly. He wants us doing dishes and training our children. He wants us mowing the yard and witnessing to a co-worker. We're supposed to give it all to him.
So, is this where I draw my line in the sand? Is this where I decide that it's all His anyway so I should live all of my life for Him instead of just part of it? The answer is simple, it's the execution that's the hard part.